Liquid Haze
by Nanaki Lioness
Summary: [AU.] Four months after his parents' deaths, Sasuke struggles to come to terms with not only that, but his brother's increasingly strange behaviour since then...


Disclaimer: The characters, items, places etc of Naruto are property of Masashi Kishimoto. These objects are used without permission for entertainment only, not for making money. No infringement is intended.

_AU. You probably know, but that's Alternative Universe, so don't jump down my throat if I haven't characterized them spot on or whatever XD  
_

_As usual with me, watch out for **occasional swearing, angst**__and **some violence. **Italics indicate a flashback or thought._

"So you're back for more  
But your face is on the floor  
And you can't move on  
Try to tell yourself there's nothing wrong  
It's kind of hard to see you like this  
Stuck in a world that doesn't exist  
What can I do but tell you you're not alone  
No you're not alone-"

**Ryan Cabrera**- _I Know What It Feels Like_

**Liquid Haze**

by Nanaki Lioness

_It's dark?_

Sasuke stood before his garden path, eyeing the dying plants either side of the crooked crazy paving. He mentally reminded himself that he should water them, as he did most days as he stood in the same place he was now watching his house.

There was a light on in the living room, he noted sadly, walking slowly up the path and fishing around in his pockets for his keys. In the half-light of the setting sun, he identified the correct key and placed it in the lock, turning it and trying to be quiet.

_When did I start walking home so slowly it got dark?_

It had been dark when he'd arrived home the day before as well. And the day before that. They where heading into summer, and the nights were lengthening, not shortening.

He pushed the door open, hoping it wouldn't creak and attract attention to him. It didn't, so he closed it quietly and tip-toed through the hallway.

As he passed the dining room, he stiffened as he felt a presence behind him. He turned, and found his brother standing in the doorway of the darkened room.

"You're late today," Itachi remarked. "It's getting dark."

"I got distracted on the way home," Sasuke replied, shifting uncomfortably under his brother's dark gaze. "Sorry."

He mentally sighed when he heard the slur in Itachi's voice, though part of him wasn't surprised. It was happening daily now.

"Were you sitting in there?" He asked, indicating the dining room behind Itachi. "In the dark?"

Itachi didn't respond, heading back into the room without another word.

Sasuke took that as a sign to half-jog up the hall and into his own bedroom, closing the door quietly behind him and dropping his schoolbag to the floor. He leant back on the door, taking a deep breath and tipping his head back to rest on the solid wood.

He stood there for a moment before walking across the small room, opening up a drawer and shifting some papers around to reach something buried beneath them. He pulled out a photo frame, sitting on his bed and leaning against the wall behind it.

"I'm home," he whispered to the picture, smiling slightly.

The faces of his parents stared back at him.

He hated having to hide the photo. He'd originally put the frame on his bedside table, but Itachi had smashed it when he saw it. So he'd bought a new frame and hidden the photo out of view, taking it out occasionally when he thought Itachi wasn't around.

He was out of luck that day, it seemed, because he heard his bedroom door open with a soft click.

"What's that?"

Sasuke quickly put the frame under his pillow. "N-nothing."

Itachi stalked across the room, roughly moving Sasuke out of the way and pulling the frame out. His face contorted angrily.

"This again?!"

He threw the frame over Sasuke's head, causing the dark haired boy to cover his head with his arms as it shattered against the wall, glass raining down around him.

"What have I told you about this?" Itachi snapped, reaching past Sasuke and snatching the photo up from where it had fallen onto the bed. "I've _told_ you, Sasuke- forget them!"

Itachi ripped the photo into half and half again, throwing the pieces at Sasuke. Sasuke closed his eyes as they showered him like confetti, not daring to open his eyes and see the torn faces of his parents staring back at him when they landed around him.

He kept his eyes closed, not wanting to face his brother's wrath. He didn't get a choice, though, when Itachi picked him up by his throat, causing him to choke and flail, his fingers scratching at his brother's iron grip trying to free himself.

"I'm not going to tell you again," Itachi snarled, throwing Sasuke sideways into a bookcase. "_Forget them_."

He turned and stalked from the room, slamming the door shut behind him.

Sasuke watched him leave from underneath the pile of books that had fallen on him, too frightened to move in case he'd broken something in his body upon impact. The bookcase was also on top of him, he noticed, crushing him slightly. His spine and left shoulder both throbbed, and he slowly moved some of the books off of himself and crawled out from under the wooden case to inspect himself.

His shoulder was bleeding. The bookcase however, was still in one piece, albeit on the floor now he'd moved out from under it. Sasuke marveled at that, feeling detached from the situation.

Ignoring his shoulder, he stood- slowly- and made his way over to the bed. The pieces of photo lay before him, and he felt tears burn his eyes at the sight. Blinking them away, he picked them up, turning behind him to the same drawer he'd pulled the frame from looking for some tape. The overwhelming need to repair the photo overtook him, and his body worked on autopilot as he sat on the floor and taped the pieces back together.

His bed was covered in glass. Glass from the frame that had been broken, again. Sasuke sighed heavily, placing the photo back into the drawer he'd taken it from once it was complete again. It wasn't taped together very well, but he didn't care at that point. He still _had_ it.

He glanced at his bed, wanting to clear the glass, but the pain spiking through his shoulder was steadily getting worse. He gritted his teeth angrily, wanting to ignore it but becoming unable to. Treating it would mean having to leave his bedroom, and right now, he _really_ didn't want to do that.

He opened the door slowly, glancing out into the hall and seeing it clear, walking quietly across to the bathroom. Locking the door behind him, he reached above the sink for the medicine cabinet and hissed in pain. His shoulder protested at the action, and Sasuke dropped that arm to his side, using his other hand to go through the things in the way and pull out a roll of bandages and some antiseptic.

Sitting on the floor and leaning back against the wall, he began to clean the wound. The antiseptic was cold and stung, but he bit his lip to keep from crying out. He had become used to cleaning wounds these last couple of months.

Four months ago, if someone had told Sasuke this was where he was going to be now, he'd have laughed in their face. He had been popular, doing well in exams, and had a loving family behind him supporting him.

Now?

Now was practically the reverse.

_Don't think about that_.

Yet despite telling himself not to, he found his mind drifting back to the day he had been told about his parent's death. He had been called to the Principal's office for unknown reasons, sitting outside idly looking at the artwork on the walls waiting to be called inside.

"_Eh, Sasuke?"_

_Sasuke turned to see Naruto running at him across the hall, looking confused._

"_So what did you do?" The blond asked, grinning._

"_Nothing," Sasuke informed him._

"_You wouldn't be here if you'd done nothing, idiot," Naruto informed him, sitting in the seat next to him._

"_I told you, I don't know! I haven't done anything that I know of."_

_The Principal's door clicked open, and he stood awkwardly in the doorway, eyeing Sasuke wearily._

"_Come in, Sasuke," he said quietly._

_Naruto tried to creep away, knowing he was supposed to be in class, but the Principal called out to him to stop._

"_You should probably stay," he said as Naruto gave him a confused look. He ushered Sasuke into the room, closing the door, leaving a very bewildered Naruto out in the hall._

_He was even more confused when the door opened a minute later, and a dazed Sasuke emerged clutching an exemption letter allowing him to leave the school._

"_Go with him, Naruto," the principal said, handing him the same letter._

"_Go where?"_

"_The hospital. I called a taxi to take you both, go and wait out the front for it."_

_Naruto didn't question it, simply nodding and doing as instructed. He had to lead Sasuke by the arm- he was too shocked to hear what was being said._

Sasuke finished cleaning the wound on his arm, shaking the thoughts from his head. He had been given sparse details- that his brother and parents had been in a car accident. His brother was alright, but there was no news on his parents.

He had found out later there _was_ news, but the Principal hadn't wanted to be the one to give it. He had been reassured they would have felt no pain, but it didn't lessen the shock any.

_Stop it._

He cut a strip of bandage, wrapping it around his upper arm and tying it off messily with his free hand and teeth. Standing, he felt dizzy, and grabbed the sink to his side to steady himself. Whether it was from losing blood, shock, being choked, lack of food, or tiredness… He didn't know. He strongly suspected it was all of them.

He examined himself in the mirror on the back of the door before he exited the room. His throat was reddened, and he looked like he hadn't slept in about a week. Dark circles framed his eyes, his skin pale and his hair messy and dull.

He shook his head, closing his eyes and reaching around for the door handle. Slowly opening the door, he toyed with the idea of risking the walk down the hall to the kitchen to get some dinner, but as he had done every other night, he decided the idea of running into his brother suddenly killed his appetite.

He wished he could get inside his brother's head. Just for a day. Even just for an _hour_. Itachi had been in the car, and he had watched their parents die whilst he had lived with minor injuries. Sasuke didn't want to think about how badly that would have affected his brother, but the reaction he'd taken was a lot different than he had expected.

He'd had turned a blind eye when Itachi had started drinking shots to help him sleep. Sasuke himself had even snuck into the drinks cabinet and done it himself a few times, in the first few nights, when sleep didn't come easily and when it did, it came with nightmares.

One night, the drinks cabinet was empty. Sasuke had wondered if Itachi had found out what he'd done and removed them, but soon realized when he saw him passed out on the sofa that it wasn't anything like that at all.

He didn't say a word. He was in pain, too, and the thought of _anything_ that could numb him was inviting. He kept quiet when it stopped being every other day in favour of becoming more frequent. He didn't want to bring up the subject of their parents- Itachi always changed the subject.

Then one day, Sasuke had come home- from his first day back at school since it had happened- to find his mother's treasured vases and ornaments scattered and smashed across the living room. He had cried, then, for the first time in front of his brother and only because his emotions overtook him before he had the chance to keep them in check. He had asked him why, and when he realized his brother was drunk, he asked him to stop drinking.

He had learnt that day that Itachi's violence extended past objects, and had taken another week off school to nurse a black eye and fractured heart. He told them he had come back too early. In reality, he had been glad for the normality and the chance to get out the house- and away from his brother.

The following week, Sasuke had hidden all the alcohol in the drinks cabinet under his bed. He had come home from school to find his bedroom ripped apart, the bottles empty and strewn across the floor. Itachi had been waiting on his bed.

He presumed luck was on his side when he escaped physically unharmed for that- his brother had locked him in his bedroom for the evening instead. That was one incident that still caused him to wince, though he assumed it was his pride smarting from being fifteen and confined to his bedroom like a naughty child.

It didn't help his pride that he'd spent a fair amount of that evening screaming at his brother to let him out and trying to kick the door down.

Closing his eyes to the memory, Sasuke opened his bedroom door, closing it behind him with a soft click and sinking to the floor when he remembered his bed was still covered in glass. He yanked at his schoolbag strap by his side, bringing the bag up into his lap and rummaging through it for his homework log.

Pulling it out, he skimmed through that week's homework, noticing two or three pieces highlighted that needed completed. He dropped it to his side, uninterested. His teachers were beginning to lose their patience with him. They had been aware of his situation, of course, but they felt by now he should have started to 'get back to normal'.

It had been four months. To Sasuke, it was as raw as the day it had happened.

He stood up, looking at his bed again before walking over to it and gently picking up the bigger pieces of glass. He placed them on his bedside table in a small pile, collecting them all until only smaller pieces remained. He stripped the bed right down to the mattress and spent a good half hour scouring it to make sure no shards of glass were left. Then he shook the sheets out, remade the bed, and finally flung himself down onto it.

There were small glass shards all over his floor, he noticed as he lay on his side, staring down at the wooden floorboards. He closed his eyes to them.

_If I can't see it, it's not there._

He had told himself that a lot, and he'd yet to actually believe himself.

-.-.-.-

"Sasuke!"

Sasuke glanced up finally hearing Naruto call his name across the lunch hall.

"What the hell is going on, I've been saying your name for ages," Naruto asked, crossing his arms and looking annoyed as he reached Sasuke.

Sasuke chose not to answer. "What do you want?"

"I was trying to ask if you'd done that science homework that was due last week, the one we got an extension on? Since you've been avoiding me all day, I haven't had the chance to ask."

Sasuke shook his head and shrugged. "No."

Naruto glanced around before reaching into his own bag, pulling out his science book. "Then hurry up and copy mine down before we go to class, then."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "_You_ did the homework? I'm surprised."

"Yeah, well," Naruto dismissed it casually. "Just hurry up and copy it, will you?"

His cheeks were flushed slightly, and it was left unsaid- but known- to Sasuke that Naruto had done it knowing he hadn't.

He pulled his science book out, nodding a thanks to Naruto and beginning to copy the work down swiftly.

"So why have you been avoiding me?" Naruto asked, finally sitting down next to his friend.

"I haven't," Sasuke replied, not even looking up from his copying.

"Is it because you didn't want me to notice that bruise on your neck?"

Sasuke stopped writing mid-sentence.

"It's nothing," he eventually supplied, continuing his copying.

"Sure it is," Naruto replied sarcastically, but not pushing the matter any further. "So why were you sitting in a corner sulking today, hmm? Aren't you eating?"

"I forgot to make lunch," Sasuke replied, bending the truth slightly. It wasn't that he had _forgotten_, more that he had raced out the house that morning when he had woken up to smashing sounds. He hadn't wanted to stick around long enough to find out what was going on.

He wasn't hungry anyway, he told himself.

Naruto rolled his eyes, standing up. "Stay there, then, I'll get you something."

Sasuke glanced round, tempted to call and tell Naruto not to bother, but he was beginning to feel dizzy and food sounded tempting to quell it.

He quickly finished copying Naruto's work, closing his science book and flinging it carelessly back into his bag. Naruto had just saved him a likely detention on that, and he was thankful.

That said, having to stay at school longer was an appealing idea. Having to explain to Itachi the reason why was less appealing, however.

Naruto came jogging back over to him, putting a tray down in front of his friend and re-seating himself. Sasuke eyed Naruto suspiciously.

"Ramen?"

Naruto grinned widely. "It always cheers me up when I feel down. You look like you need it." He smacked Sasuke's arm, indicating the bowl. "Well? Eat it!"

Sasuke cried out in pain and clutched his upper arm, before realizing that probably wasn't a smart way to keep the wound he had received a secret.

Naruto narrowed his eyes, grabbing Sasuke's arm and yanking his shirt sleeve up. He fingered the badly-tied bandage, glaring at Sasuke.

"What's this? Is this 'nothing' as well?"

"Of course," Sasuke replied, yanking his arm away and pulling the shirt sleeve back down again.

Naruto reached over, sighing. "At least tie the damn thing up properly, moron."

He grabbed Sasuke's arm again, pulling his sleeve back up and removing the bandage. He didn't say a word about the exposed wound- simply re-tied the bandage neatly around it and pulled the sleeve back down.

Sasuke mentally thanked that Naruto was the type of person who knew when and when not to pry into things that didn't concern him.

He eyed the ramen in front of him, but chose not to complain about it, wordlessly eating it as he stared out the window he was sitting by. He heard Naruto sigh heavily from his side.

"You need to take better care of yourself," he heard him say quietly. "You look like hell. Have you even been sleeping?" He glanced down at the already half-empty ramen. "Or _eating_ for that matter?"

Sasuke took back his 'Naruto knew when to not-pry' thought.

"I'm fine," he reassured his friend, but wouldn't meet his eye.

"Hmm. For some reason, I don't believe you."

Sasuke ignored him, finishing the ramen and standing up without another word. Naruto grabbed his wrist and yanked him back down to sitting, glaring at him.

"Don't ignore me," he ordered, his voice strangely gentle. "I know what's wrong with you, and I make allowances for that. But I can't sit here and let you destroy yourself because of it."

"I'm not," Sasuke responded, yanking the wrist Naruto still had hold of free.

"Bullshit."

"I'm _not_," Sasuke snapped, his voice tight. He closed his mouth, horrified as he felt tears prick his eyes. He knew he wasn't doing too well at convincing Naruto he was fine, and that certainly wasn't going to help. He rapidly tried to blink them back.

"As I said, that's bullshit. Crying isn't helping you convince me, either."

"Oh shut up," Sasuke snapped, turning away and raising a trembling hand to his eyes and swiping at him, annoyed at Naruto's perception.

"Look, I'm not your teachers," Naruto told him. "And I don't except you to be over it, and I don't expect you to be strong all the time like they do. You shouldn't be at school right now. I don't know what the hell happened to your neck or your arm, and I know you won't tell me. But even those aside, Sasuke… You look _awful_."

"Thanks," Sasuke muttered sarcastically.

"You look like you need a week of sleep and a reset button."

"I probably do."

"Then go home and go to sleep. I'll explain to the teachers, and if they give me shit about it, I'll-"

"No," Sasuke interjected. "No. I'll stay, its okay."

Naruto eyed him suspiciously.

"I won't argue with you, but you better go home and go to bed when we get out of school," he replied. "I'll walk you home and make sure you do myself if I have to."

Sasuke resisted the urge to tell him he _really _wasn't going to let that happen.

-.-.-

The house was empty.

Sasuke checked all the rooms twice, breathing a sigh of relief. Itachi wasn't home, and that meant he might actually be able to venture out of his bedroom. He'd almost forgotten what the living room and dining room looked like, since they were usually occupied by his brother.

Once he entered the dining room, he almost wished he hadn't. There were bottles strewn across the room, across the floor, the table- everywhere. The room smelt like a bar, and Sasuke recoiled out of it swiftly. He declined checking the living room, fearing a similar scene. He still hadn't found the source of all the smashing he'd heard that morning, either.

He entered the kitchen and got his answer. His mother's favourite china table set lay smashed across the linen floor, and he shook his head slowly at it. Stepping over the pieces in front of him, he raided the cupboards for food to take back to his bedroom. He felt guilty, and a little stupid, but if it meant he could stay out of his brother's way, then he would.

He stepped back over the plates and teacups, stashing the food in his wardrobe and eyeing the pieces of glass still scattered across his floor. His feet had found some of them when he'd jumped out of bed that morning, so he'd swiftly placed his shoes on. He took the moment he had access to the kitchen to get a dustpan and brush and sweep them up.

When he was done, he took to trying to clean up the kitchen. Most of it had broken quite cleanly, which Sasuke was thankful for. It made the job a lot easier, both physically and mentally.

He was almost done when the heard the front door click open. He froze, half a teacup in one hand, hearing footsteps heading his way. He dropped the teacup, getting off of his knees as Itachi stood in the doorway. He had a carrier bag in one hand, which Sasuke knew the contents of without even asking.

"What are you doing?" Itachi asked impassively.

"Cleaning up," Sasuke replied, surprised at the strength in his voice. "You can't leave all this on the floor."

"Are you telling me what to do?"

Sasuke steeled himself. "Yes. I'm telling you should have cleaned this up. In fact, I'm telling you you shouldn't have broken it in the _first_ place."

Itachi carefully put his carrier bag on the side to his right, stalking over to Sasuke and grabbing his hair.

Sasuke resisted, but soon stopped as he felt himself being dragged out of the kitchen. He wrestled against Itachi's grip, tangled around his hair and locked on so hard he couldn't break free.

"Let me go!" He ordered, kicking out at Itachi.

Itachi continued to drag him along wordlessly, coming to Sasuke's bedroom and flinging him into. Sasuke hit the floor roughly, but he barely felt it, quickly picking himself up as Itachi grabbed the key from inside and slammed the door shut.

Sasuke reached the door and pulled on the handle as he heard a soft click of the lock being turned.

"So this is your new game, huh?!" He yelled angrily.

"Unless you want to get hurt, just stay in there and be quiet," his brother's voice came back, strangely quiet and blank.

"Hurt by _you_ again," Sasuke muttered, kicking the door harshly.

"Sasuke," Itachi said. Sasuke stopped kicking to listen. "I've told you. Forget them. It's for the best. I'm only getting rid of everything that could remind us of them."

"But _why_?" Sasuke shouted, his anger still present. "I'm not going to pretend I know what you're thinking, but this is _insane_! You can't just forget them! You can't expect _me_ to forget them!"

No response.

"Are you even _listening_ to me?!" He yelled, kicking the door viciously.

No response again.

"Fuck you then!" He yelled, kicking the door again for good measure before sinking down to the floor against it.

"Are you going to keep acting like a child?" He heard Itachi snap through the door.

"So you are there then?" Sasuke replied bitterly. "Are you going to start acting like an adult yourself?"

Quiet again.

"So are you going to let me out?"

Nothing.

"_Stop_ ignoring me!" Sasuke yelled, standing up again and kicking the door a few more times. "I'm _fifteen_, not _five_! You _can't_ keep me locked in here!"

"I can do whatever I see fit," Itachi replied. "I'll come back for you later when you've calmed down. And we'll have a little talk."

Sasuke heard footsteps retreating down the hall, and he slammed his hands against the door.

"Come _back_!" He yelled. "Come back and open this fucking door!"

The footsteps faded out, and Sasuke sighed in defeat, going over to his bed and lying down. He was _tired_. But every time he closed his eyes, he saw them. He saw his mother smiling at him over breakfast, his father's approving nod when he brought home good exam results.

His eyes fell on the drawer that contained the photo of his parents, but he didn't have the energy to get up and retrieve it. With Itachi on the warpath, he presumed it best he left it there, hidden, anyway.

He closed his eyes tightly, a sob catching in his throat. He angrily swallowed, breathing in deeply. He _wasn't_ going to cry. He'd done far too much of it since _then_, and he despised it.

His fragile mind had other ideas on the matter, and he was soon sobbing into his pillow. He could be strong about his parent's death- he'd done pretty well to begin with. Being strong in the face of his brother's alcohol-fueled mood swings? He'd done alright with that, too, for the most part.

He even did well with the physical attacks, but it was the mental ones that caught him off guard, eating at him when his defenses were lowered. The first time Itachi had locked him in his bedroom was the night he had cried the most, save for the first night when he'd found out, and he didn't have a mark on him that day.

It seemed like today wasn't going to be any different.

-.-.-

When Sasuke awoke a few hours later, it was dark. He blinked a few times, trying to adjust to the half light in the room. He stood, switching his bedside lamp on and drawing the curtains across.

He gingerly tried his door handle, instantly angry when he realized it was still locked.

"Asshole," he muttered under his breath, turning to his wall clock to check how long it had been.

Five hours. He growled in frustration, slamming the door hard with his hands.

"You're awake then."

Sasuke stepped back, surprised. His brother's voice floated through the door to him, and he sounded sober.

"Are you going to let me out yet?" He asked quietly.

"No."

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "_Why_?"

"Because it's easier to have this conversation without having to look you in the eye."

Sasuke's eyes widened and he sat down slowly, his back to the door.

"Do you want a glass of water?"

"I wouldn't mind."

Sasuke listened to the footsteps slowly fade as Itachi walked away from his door, and he sighed heavily. Something told him this was going to be a heavy conversation, and he rubbed sleep from his eyes in an attempt to wake himself up. What he _really_ wanted was a hot shower, but he figured he wasn't going to get that.

He heard Itachi walking back, standing up and moving out the way of the door.

"I'll throw it at you if you try and escape," Itachi warned him, but his voice lacked the malice it had held in the past.

"You say it like I'm a prisoner," Sasuke sulked.

The door opened slightly, and Sasuke accepted the glass being poked through to him. The door was shut again before he had the chance to do anything else, and he heard the key turning in the lock.

"Do you have to lock it?" He asked. "I won't try and leave if you don't want me to."

A small part of him berated himself for going along with what his brother wanted. After all, he was currently sporting a couple of nasty injuries thanks to him, and he was a little bitter about that.

"Yes, I have to lock it."

He heard Itachi slide down the door to the floor, and did the same. He sipped the water, waiting for his brother to begin talking.

He didn't. Sasuke eventually finished the water, putting the glass to one side, sighing and resting his head on the door behind him.

"So what is it?" He asked, prompting the conversation.

"You have to forget them, Sasuke," Itachi replied quietly after a few moments. "You have to forget them so you don't hate me."

"If I was going to hate you, I'd say it would be because you've been hurting me," Sasuke replied bitterly.

"I'm sorry. I… I get angry when I drink."

"Then don't drink?"

"Sasuke…"

Sasuke heard Itachi sigh sadly, and instantly dropped his attitude.

"What?"

"I know you were sneaking alcohol out of the cabinet to help you sleep."

"To begin with," Sasuke replied softly.

"And why did you do that?"

"…To help numb me so I couldn't feel my emotions."

"And why did you stop?"

Sasuke shrugged, though Itachi couldn't see it.

"Imagine feeling like that all the time. _Numb_. Are you saying you wouldn't be tempted?"

"Yes," Sasuke replied. "Yes, it would be. But _not_ at the expense of the mood swings you've been having." He brought his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. "You aren't a very nice person when you've been drinking."

"You don't need to under exaggerate like that," Itachi told him. "I know how I act when I'm drunk, and I regret it. But I forget about regretting it when I've had some more to drink."

Sasuke opened his mouth to ask a question, but bit it back. He wasn't sure he wanted the answer.

"Why would I hate you?" He eventually asked it. "Why does forgetting them have anything to do with it?"

Silence.

"Why did you tear up my photo?" Sasuke continued, feeling tears spring to his eyes at the thought of the battered and taped-up photograph in his drawer.

"To make you forget their faces."

The answer came back so simply, and so calmly, that Sasuke lost his temper and jumped to his feet. He slammed his hands onto the door viciously.

"But _why_?!" He asked, resting his forehead on the door, closing his eyes and feeling tears on his cheeks as he did. He bit back a sob, waiting for the answer.

"I'm going to tell you, if you'd stop throwing a tantrum."

Sasuke slammed his hands onto the door again, sinking to his knees and sobbing harshly.

"And that's why you're locked in there and I'm out here," Itachi told him quietly, so quietly Sasuke nearly missed it over the sound of his crying.

"What?" He asked, his voice small.

"You're there and I'm here so I can't be distracted by your emotional outbursts."

Sasuke almost snapped something unpleasant at that, but bit his tongue and calmed himself down enough to listen to what his brother had to say.

"I was driving the car."

Sasuke glanced up at the door, unsure he'd heard his brother correctly.

"You?" He asked.

"Yes. I was driving. I was reckless. It was my fault."

Sasuke stared at the door, unable to comprehend what he was being told.

"You…?"

"And that's why you have to forget them. Because _I_ have to forget them so I can live with myself."

Silence, this time from Sasuke. This was new information to him. Itachi had refused to talk at the hospital- he hadn't given any details to the doctors at all. They had said it was shock, and that he'd come around eventually, but he never did.

"Accidents happen," he eventually said quietly. "I would never blame you."

No reply. Sasuke put his hand up to the door, wishing he could reach his brother through it.

He heard Itachi stand, and stood up himself.

"Go to sleep, Sasuke."

Sasuke tapped on the door. "Aren't you going to unlock this?"

There was a pause.

"I said go to sleep."

"You aren't going to unlock the door?" Sasuke asked slowly.

"I've told you to sleep, so _sleep_. Forget about the door."

"But, I-" Sasuke tried to protest, tapping the door again.

"_Sasuke_!"

He stopped talking, hearing footsteps slowly fading down the hall. He banged the door angrily again.

"There's no need for _this_," he yelled, turning around and walking over to his bed when he got no reply. Sitting on the edge of it, he looked over at the drawer with his photo in it. He reached out for it, but decided against taking it out- he was pretty composed, and knew taking that out would probably wreck that.

He laid down, going over what his brother had said in his mind. Why _would_ he blame his brother? He had admitted to being reckless, but people were reckless in cars every day and walked away with their lives. Itachi had just got unlucky.

_Go to sleep, he says. Like I can do that_.

He sat up again, sighing. He ran a hand through his hair, trying to straighten it out a little and wishing he could go and take that shower he'd wanted earlier. He contemplated calling out to Itachi and asking him if he could, and that he'd sleep right after, but he wasn't even sure his brother was in earshot anymore.

-.-.-

_Six AM…_

Sasuke stared at the bedroom door from the edge of his bed, willing it to open. He'd been drifting in and out of consciousness since about three, and had been fully awoken half an hour before six by a mixture of nature's call, and his body protesting that it had rested enough.

He'd got up and tried the door handle, finding it locked still. He'd been tempted to call out to his brother, but he didn't want to wake him if he was asleep. A little annoyed, he'd picked his schoolbag up and checked his homework log, figuring then was a good time to catch up with his work.

He hated being smart sometimes. He'd had two pieces to complete, which he'd completed within the half an hour, and that left him staring at his bedroom door in frustration again and nothing else to do but wait for his brother to open it.

Light was beginning to creep around his curtains, so he got up and opened them. As he did so, he noticed his window was open slightly on its catch. He reached to it to close it, but stopped, an idea hitting him.

He opened the window fully instead, as far as it would go, turning around and grabbing his schoolbag. He fished around for his front door keys, finding them and putting them in his pocket, grinning a little.

He jumped up onto the windowsill, climbing out through the small window relatively easily. Landing on the ground on his feet, he pushed the window shut slightly and walked around to the front of the house.

Pulling his keys from his pocket, Sasuke smiled slightly as he opened the front door and entered the house. His brother might not be pleased, but he had no room for argument- Sasuke had slept, as instructed.

He peeked around the living room doorway, finding it empty, and the dining room too. In the kitchen, the alcohol Itachi had purchased the day before was still sitting, untouched, in the carrier bag on the side. Sasuke sighed in relief at that.

He walked quietly up the hall, intending to check on his brother sleeping, but as he walked past the bathroom, he was swiftly reminded by nature _why_ he'd climbed out the window in the first place instead of waiting for the door to be unlocked.

He backtracked, pushing the bathroom door open and stopping in his tracks. His brother was sitting against the wall by the sink, fast asleep. He glanced up at Sasuke, apparently the noise of the door opening having woken him up.

"What are you doing?" Sasuke asked.

Itachi blinked sleepily at him, and Sasuke's gaze fell a bottle of pills at his brother's side. He stalked over to Itachi, picking them up and inspecting them.

"Sedatives?" He asked.

"The doctor gave them to me," Itachi replied, trying to stand. Sasuke grabbed him, helping him keep his balance. "Alcohol… Worked better."

"These are only supposed to help you sleep, not take away the pain," Sasuke explained quietly. "How many did you take?"

"I didn't overdose on them, Sasuke."

"I don't know that, do I?" Sasuke snapped back, before regretting it. "Sorry. I'm just worried about you."

Itachi freed himself of Sasuke's grasp, looking half asleep as he leaned on the wall for support instead.

"The roles have reversed this time," Sasuke said. "And I'm going to tell you to go to sleep."

Itachi nodded wordlessly, slowly making his way out of the room and to his bedroom. Sasuke stood in the doorway, watching him go, concern etched across his face.

-.-.-

Sasuke skipped school that day, sitting at his brother's bedside and watching him sleep. He looked peaceful and untroubled, and he envied him slightly. Sasuke's own sleep was interrupted by nightmares regularly.

As he watched, Itachi began to stir, opening his eyes and blinking a few times to adjust to the light. His gaze landed on his brother, and he sat up instantly.

"What time is it?"

"Midday. How do you feel?"

"I have a headache. I guess that's the sedatives at work."

Sasuke sat back in his chair, eyeing his brother cautiously. "Why didn't you take those to begin with?"

Itachi met his gaze. "I didn't have them to begin with. I went and got them yesterday after... Well, you know."

Sasuke held his shoulder unconsciously, nodding.

"I didn't want to take them. I wanted the alcohol, since I could forget everything with it. Knocking myself out was no good, I needed _numbing_. But after our talk last night, I decided to give them a try."

He eyed Sasuke suspiciously. "How did you get out, anyway?"

"The more important question is _why_ did you keep me locked in?" Sasuke countered.

Itachi looked away. "You said…Well, you said you didn't blame me. And I wanted to give you time to think about what I'd said without trying to confront me or getting distracted somehow."

Sasuke glared at him. "I wouldn't have done either thing if you'd have asked. You didn't have to keep me locked me up, I had to climb out the window and unlock the front door to get back inside."

They sat in silence for a while, until Itachi broke it quietly.

"Did you think about it?"

Sasuke got up, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Yes. Of course I did."

"And…?"

"And I'll say the same thing I said last night. Accidents happen. I don't blame you." He reached out, putting a hand over his brother's. "You could have _spoken_ to me about this. I'm not a little kid anymore."

"You're too young to have to deal with this," Itachi said quietly, closing his eyes and pulling his hand away. Sasuke bit his lip to keep from crying.

"Well," he said after a moment, his voice surprisingly calm. "I have to. And so do _you_. Drinking and allowing yourself to get violent like that _won't_ help. No matter how hard you try, you won't forget them, because they're your parents. _Our_ parents."

Itachi didn't reply. Sasuke glanced up at him, sighing heavily.

"Do you hate me?"

Sasuke had to strain to hear the words, but they were there.

"No," he said definitely. "_No_. I probably should, but I don't."

"I'm sorry."

The words were whispered again, and Sasuke had to turn away when he glanced up at his brother's lowered face and caught the glisten of tears on his cheeks.

"Don't be sorry," he replied. "Just promise me you'll throw all the alcohol in this house down the sink and that you _won't_ do it again."

Itachi nodded slightly. Sasuke stood, leaving the room and closing the door softly behind him. He leant back against the door, taking a deep breath and allowing himself a minute to break down before composing himself swiftly and re-entering the room.

_Be strong and fight it. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, after all, right?_

_For him. For _you.

-.-.-

_Author's Note: This was far too fun to write for something angsty XD Reviews are welcome, and if not, I hope you enjoyed regardless.  
_


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